I thought to write a blog on it, but this word itself gives many different conceptions to every individual so defining it in an omniscient way will be out of the scope of my intelligence. The set of relation starts defining before our birth as the parents, their family and siblings (if any). We don’t have any control on this fundamental set though it plays a crucial role in defining rest of our relations in the later life. As a child grows, it learns the world wisdom and deals with different ‘wanted and unwanted’ people in the life- your best teacher, Bully in the class or crooked neighbors…
As adolescence starts a new image of relation takes shape- spouse, then a series of new learning and experiences begins (some people stays at the edge to wait for an ideal time and person). After the understandings of basic lessons e.g. ‘All that glitters is not gold’, an ideal image of a partner is formed. Actually vast majority of people can spend their whole life at this step, since every time you are dealing with an element of unknown set of relation. But principle of maximum entropy works here, the information gain reduces the gap (Caution: Excess information may results in white and red noise too). Truthfully, there is hardly any heuristic scheme which can optimize this problem and get you the best solution.
Indians have designed their own process to make final decision for this relation. The older version was quite similar to the ‘blood relations’ – a surprise package chosen by the parents. The modified version is –you may get experiences but let the final decision announced by the parents or horoscope or castes etc., similar to ancient version. This high-tech generation, who has crossed the seas, dreamt higher than the sky has to rely on the others for the final selection of partner. In this scenario the ultimate goal – to get a life mate, who will be with you through thick and thin of life (people wait till their ‘best materialistic time’ when they can get the best from others), may be compromised but the rigid way by which Indian marriages are defined make them stable.
Regardless of chosen or imposed destiny, this relation of ‘man – woman’ is the part of next 30 – 40 years of life in most of cases. A new nest, a new series of relations starts. Any ‘happy or even not so happy’ couple of 20 – 30 years old relationship, reminds the commitment of that single moment when they swore ‘to live together’. They have crossed all the charms and chasms of this relation and live with an inclination of ‘each other’.
6 comments:
Relationships are the most fundamental and yet the most complex things I know!
I read it somewhere, which said something very fundamental, which is very true, but you may not like. Every relationship in this world is modular (its is very nerdy term used by geeks who practice organizational behavior) except one relationship which is mother-child relationship. Its true in way, life is like a waterfall which would never stop, it just goes on, and in my personal opinion, problem start to happen and we feel bad, when we don't treat life with a "let go attitude"
Relationships (for everything keep an exception of mother-child relationship) are about these four things empathy, acceptance, persistence and consistency whether they’re with a romantic mate or siblings or friends or any other relationships we develop in life. “They say starting a relationship is difficult, I would say maintaining it is tougher...”
What gets in the way, is each of us has who try to control via certain level of expectation and pre-conceived generalized notions. In practicing behavior on different people I learnt, my fundamental concepts failed every time, because we as normal people tend to apply the same pre-conceived and generalized notions on everyone. This makes us feel miserable because none of us is a perfect person.
Now coming down to the scenario of “to get a life mate”, this is most interesting of all the possible relationships, I have thought a lot on it and still struggling to figure it out, esp., in our so called the system/process of arranged marriage with the modification. The original system was designed had its own pros and cons, so we modified the system to suit to our interests which is kind a conglomerate mess.
I liked these lines the most, not by what they mean, but how they are writern, good job ! that's creative...
" But principle of maximum entropy works here, the information gain reduces the gap (Caution: Excess information may results in white and red noise too). Truthfully, there is hardly any heuristic scheme which can optimize this problem and get you the best solution."
Well said Vinay :)
Time is also one important factor in deciding the fate of the relations. Actually time is the most important dimension in anyone’s life- it decides the place where u are, persons u interact and above all the mental and heart state u receive and react to the other person. I guess that’s the life’s spontaneity. So timing should be also considered as a constraint. But a stagnant brain can’t perceive, can’t differentiate. That’s how most of ‘typical indigenous people’ are surviving.
Thanks Deepti !, very true I will add one more item to it besides time.
It is efforts we put in, nothing in this world happens of its own, we need to try and make a relationship as best of everything. :-)
ya that'a what I have emphasized as mental and heart states. I considered these also as dependent variables on time. sometime u just dont feel like to react with the people and sometime u are ended up with making life long commitment and relationship.. however for an opportunist :) it may not be the case, because he or she will wait until something best strikes.. but in that case to u cant stretch the time beyond a limit..
! :-) !
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